I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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