that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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