It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My vagina is officially offended.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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