i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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