I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
