3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
