I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
