If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
