He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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