I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
