Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
