Soap is not a condiment
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
