I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hate all girls vehemently.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
