She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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