i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
