Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
