why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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