I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just want nice things and good sex
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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