she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
