Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
