And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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