Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
