I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
