Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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