I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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