nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
