I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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