This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
