I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
