you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
