you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
