I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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