Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
