Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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