Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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