My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's no shave November. This is our time.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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