if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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