your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
