Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
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I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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