I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
