officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize