Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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