just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't deserve a penis
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
