i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
