Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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