watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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