it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
