Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
