So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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