I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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