I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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