Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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