It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
