I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
