According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
