I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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