i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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