It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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