He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
