I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
