Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum

  (212): View more from New York

  i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls

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  (212): her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum (212): i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls http://tfl.nu/3qj9
  Replies (8) Good night (912) Bad night (1443)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.

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  (402): I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents. http://tfl.nu/l0y8
  Replies (9) Good night (899) Bad night (2024)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.

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  (770): I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges. http://tfl.nu/kn7k
  Replies (51) Good night (1142) Bad night (4628)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I wish costco sold astroglide.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.

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  (313): I wish costco sold astroglide. (248): i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about. http://tfl.nu/mkwg
  Replies (41) Good night (2988) Bad night (1198)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".

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  (936): I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway". http://tfl.nu/2ye8
  Replies (39) Good night (920) Bad night (3372)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??

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  (618): Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking?? http://tfl.nu/g7y8
  Replies (42) Good night (4558) Bad night (1467)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.

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  (845): They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory. http://tfl.nu/jr9q
  Replies (7) Good night (1166) Bad night (3639)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.

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  (203): I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it. http://tfl.nu/2i57
  Replies (43) Good night (4187) Bad night (4511)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.

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  (716): Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him. http://tfl.nu/tozm
  Replies (10) Good night (3289) Bad night (922)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars

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  (248): Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars http://tfl.nu/5z1n
  Replies (10) Good night (4935) Bad night (1063)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.

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  (603): Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today. (603): Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me. http://tfl.nu/6wu2
  Replies (3) Good night (2738) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right

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  (505): At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right http://tfl.nu/tpj0
  Replies (3) Good night (741) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj

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  (914): I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj http://tfl.nu/ijru
  Replies (5) Good night (1401) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego

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  (413): The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego http://tfl.nu/wcwo
  Replies (0) Good night (411) Bad night (202)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.

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  (518): you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets. http://tfl.nu/a1x2
  Replies (3) Good night (550) Bad night (407)

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