Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio

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  (617): I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio http://tfl.nu/knlp
  Replies (2) Good night (585) Bad night (823)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.

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  (269): We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it. http://tfl.nu/t2uq
  Replies (9) Good night (3734) Bad night (596)
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  (453): View more from

  apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.

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  (453): apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it. http://tfl.nu/3val
  Replies (15) Good night (627) Bad night (4024)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.

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  (336): I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver. http://tfl.nu/y72r
  Replies (9) Good night (3995) Bad night (899)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?

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  (770): Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead? http://tfl.nu/xbgb
  Replies (29) Good night (2289) Bad night (4737)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food

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  (403): He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food http://tfl.nu/demt
  Replies (20) Good night (3547) Bad night (1383)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis

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  (203): apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis http://tfl.nu/rw8g
  Replies (2) Good night (4402) Bad night (644)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.

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  (870): I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me. http://tfl.nu/cvaz
  Replies (9) Good night (2115) Bad night (1217)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Goddamn tequila

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  (306): I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one (306): Goddamn tequila http://tfl.nu/4ri7
  Replies (5) Good night (2063) Bad night (555)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.

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  (248): I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set. http://tfl.nu/xzj6
  Replies (6) Good night (1741) Bad night (528)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.

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  (907): It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome. http://tfl.nu/2baz
  Replies (8) Good night (2358) Bad night (432)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.

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  (973): How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow... (862): This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am. http://tfl.nu/nxs7
  Replies (0) Good night (1148) Bad night (366)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.

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  (901): First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer. http://tfl.nu/seyu
  Replies (3) Good night (641) Bad night (283)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>

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  (443): so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.> http://tfl.nu/ipoz
  Replies (0) Good night (390) Bad night (983)
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  (619): View more from California

  I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.

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  (619): I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good. http://tfl.nu/rh08
  Replies (2) Good night (496) Bad night (301)

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