Texts From Last Night

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  (707): View more from California

  I haven't been laid since Bush was president.

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  (707): I haven't been laid since Bush was president. http://tfl.nu/3tqj
  Replies (33) Good night (597) Bad night (2945)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad

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  (570): Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad http://tfl.nu/w1l4
  Replies (47) Good night (1444) Bad night (20607)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour

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  (503): That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour http://tfl.nu/3dpl
  Replies (8) Good night (2589) Bad night (1119)
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  (518): View more from New York

  im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.

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  (518): im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there. http://tfl.nu/bvrv
  Replies (27) Good night (4825) Bad night (1144)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes

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  (519): dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes http://tfl.nu/xjd2
  Replies (61) Good night (6352) Bad night (1184)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.

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  (708): I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie. http://tfl.nu/rjzr
  Replies (6) Good night (4611) Bad night (981)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.

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  (330): All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule. http://tfl.nu/83wx
  Replies (5) Good night (2260) Bad night (694)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Do you need my fax number or something?

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  (912): There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow. (912): Do you need my fax number or something? http://tfl.nu/ynqo
  Replies (18) Good night (1660) Bad night (1286)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?

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  (850): So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant? http://tfl.nu/queo
  Replies (3) Good night (987) Bad night (645)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?

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  (303): can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself? http://tfl.nu/x2xl
  Replies (8) Good night (1360) Bad night (502)
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  (424): View more from California

  Update: I may or may not be in a cult

  (424): View more from California

  Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult

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  (424): Update: I may or may not be in a cult (424): Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult http://tfl.nu/yyf4
  Replies (9) Good night (1761) Bad night (545)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.

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  (214): In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman. http://tfl.nu/e6dh
  Replies (0) Good night (758) Bad night (374)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on

  (226): View more from Ontario

  Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see

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  (519): I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on (226): Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see http://tfl.nu/q9aq
  Replies (1) Good night (816) Bad night (400)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling

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  (217): You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling http://tfl.nu/odh7
  Replies (1) Good night (648) Bad night (331)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.

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  (606): Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS. http://tfl.nu/h9rk
  Replies (2) Good night (283) Bad night (263)

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