Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.

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  (630): So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless. http://tfl.nu/sjt0
  Replies (2) Good night (1184) Bad night (529)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk

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  (571): it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk http://tfl.nu/mdkh
  Replies (3) Good night (1194) Bad night (479)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Your dad touched me again.

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  (212): Your dad touched me again. http://tfl.nu/syvf
  Replies (31) Good night (2136) Bad night (23956)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.

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  (978): They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people. http://tfl.nu/oty8
  Replies (46) Good night (7322) Bad night (1381)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.

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  (315): Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now. http://tfl.nu/rvu6
  Replies (10) Good night (4130) Bad night (968)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.

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  (917): I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out. http://tfl.nu/g8zl
  Replies (27) Good night (5396) Bad night (2537)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics

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  (302): You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics http://tfl.nu/cuw1
  Replies (2) Good night (3606) Bad night (660)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  what is it with giant penises always finding me

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  (216): what is it with giant penises always finding me http://tfl.nu/ji8j
  Replies (26) Good night (4213) Bad night (940)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?

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  (678): Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting? http://tfl.nu/j29m
  Replies (11) Good night (2314) Bad night (596)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?

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  (570): I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to? http://tfl.nu/dwjv
  Replies (3) Good night (1061) Bad night (847)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.

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  (479): I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him. http://tfl.nu/81m9
  Replies (9) Good night (1529) Bad night (547)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?

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  (615): Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes? http://tfl.nu/jms8
  Replies (49) Good night (918) Bad night (5573)
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  (626): View more from California

  I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.

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  (626): I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing. http://tfl.nu/hf05
  Replies (2) Good night (1088) Bad night (681)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.

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  (713): I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover. http://tfl.nu/74mv
  Replies (3) Good night (579) Bad night (226)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?

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  (630): Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids? http://tfl.nu/4q99
  Replies (4) Good night (547) Bad night (239)

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