I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink