Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
