there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow