apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.