idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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