Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
