he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
