I just pynch a tree in the face
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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