I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize