it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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