U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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