Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
